Help, I'm down and really don't want to get back up!

There have been spots in sobriety where I can't seem to pull things together. When pain doesn't seem to be motivation enough to do something different. With a book of solutions, meetings and caring people all willing to help me along, why then would I choose to sit back and soak up all the negative feelings that the winter blues and depression bring on? It is a sick mindset that I have trouble with every few months. The winters here are brutal. I know it doesn't help but for some reasons when times get tough I have a tendency to self destruct and avoid anything that would be good for me. I readily accept anything that would be bad for my spiritual health and deny anything that could possibly help. This phenomenon proves that Alcohol is but a symptom of my problems. My problems are rooted in selfish, self-centered behavior. It's been almost 4 years since my last drink but I still feel the wrath of my mental condition. A thinking disease. The solution I know all to well is to do for others. Do the next right thing in front of me and stop spending so much time based completely on self. Self loathing has never helped me accomplish anything!