I'm on one today... you've been warned.
Now it just keeps snowing and all I want to do is snowboard. I watch Snowboard DVD's all night, obsess about it all day. I am so obsessive. I get addicted to everything and anything. Let's review hobbies and other things I have got super into in sobriety:
Tennis, Golf, Bowling, Fly Fishing, Backpacking, Rock Climbing, Camping, Kayaking, Snow Shoes, Four Wheelers, Poker, Roadtrips, National Parks, Hookah, Cigars, Baseball, Sober Softball, English Premier League, Activism, the Cilvil Rights movement (that one got bad. 6 books, and an entire VHS series from PBS like 18 hours of footage, I read all 6 books watched every VHS in 2 weeks, got little to no sleep, and this had nothing to do with any class I was taking, in fact all my grades suffered because I spent all my time doing that.) ugh. I could go on.
Anyway, my point is that it doesn't matter what it is, if I like something even a little bit, I go nuts with it. If _____ is fun once, it will be even better a 1000 times. Snowboarding comes up every year in the obsession category. Has since I was 9 or 10. That doesn't make it any easier. I am such a through and through alcoholic that I have to fight my instincts all day in order to not say, "fuck everyone and everything, I'm going boarding" Seriously, one of the voices in my head constantly tells me to say that to people. Is there any hope? Will my entire life be me fighting obsessions?
Maybe it isn't such a bad thing anyway. (justification, rationalization) I am actually pretty good at almost all the hobbies I listed. I know a shit ton about civil rights. I can have a great conversation with anyone who may be into anything. I've never met anyone I couldn't have a good conversation with. (honestly, I can't think of anyone.) My life isn't boring at all. (but if it ever shows signs of it I get suicidal.) I have a good time! when I see people I haven't talked to in a while and they ask what I've been up to it is because they really want to know. They want to know what crazy shit I've been doing lately. I like that about me! but for god's sake I have got to find a balance.
Atmosphere sums up exactly how I feel in this song. Video isn't bad either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbEwHJX95QE
until next time
My Blog List
About Me
- anonymous@24
- Rocky Mountains
- This blog is going to take its own shape. basically I like anything that gives me a rush... poker, snowboarding, soccer, women. I spent most of adolescence doing drugs and being the best heroin and cocaine addict I could be. When I wasn't doing that I was being the best alcoholic I could be. Long story short, i ended up getting clean and sober almost 4 years ago. I thought the rest would be happily ever after... It is for the most part. The rest is just chatter in my head. I thought I would anonymously share all that on the internet. I never considered anything I have to say important enough to write down, or for anyone else to read. I still don't. I do however think that my story, my day to day life, struggles, triumphs and rantings are one of a kind.
1 comment:
i don't think the obsessing is bad at all.
it's your own little way of staying sober, whether you see it that way or not.
personally, i have the same "problem", if you will.
excluding the physcial aspects of your obsessions, being that i'm pretty lazy. but if i like something, i do it, over and over and over.
you're not the only one, no worries.
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