Wish me luck! Day 3.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Smoking. Damn you cigarettes. Damn you all to hell.
18 years old standing around the campfire, bud light bottle in one hand cigarette in the other. A teen-age crush of mine and future train wreck ex-girlfriend said "you make that cigarette look good standing by the fire, that should be a smoking commercial." I was a full time smoker from that day forward. Sad and true. I hate to admit that I'm that shallow but I swear to god I was a part time, half assed smoker until that day. I am trying to quit for the umpteenth time and I hate it. Irritable, discontent. I don't want to eat because then I'll want to smoke. I can't sleep because I want to smoke. I can't drink too much coffee because then I will smoke. Every sound in cubicle land is magnified by 1000x. I just want to smoke. I really don't want to gain weight either as I have been trying to get looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. (a tall task) I just can't do it all anymore. I don't want to be subbed out playing soccer. I am tired of getting altitude sickness when I've lived at 6,000 ft. my whole life. All the physical troubles I have from smoking are not worth it to me. (I don't think) As with drinking and drugging though I'm sure I'm not done until I'm done.
Wish me luck! Day 3.
Wish me luck! Day 3.
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5 comments:
Hold on and do it one day at a time. If I ever quit I will come to you for tips!
Good luck with that one. I have no desire to quit. Towards the end of my drinking career, I knew I was smoking and drinking too much. I was determined to quit smoking so I could continue drinking. The thing is, with the exception of the obvious physical yuckiness, smoking is far less worse for me right now.
I saw your comment over at Sarah's with the screen name. Have to honestly say curiousity brought me here. Smoking, I'm just over a year from my last quit day. Considering how many years I smoked from 16 on .... Here's something to think about, I heard all the commercials, knew without a doubt it was bad for me. Yet I didn't want to give it up. It was the last bad habit to a rebellious spirit. And when I finally decided for all the reasons your wanting to...it wasn't soon enough.
4 months later I was diagnosed with the early stages of Emphysema. You never think how over-rated breathing is, until you find yourself not being able to breathe. Take it from me, on all counts, image isn't worth it. I can't say struggling for breath, with an inhaler is attractive. Just have to leave the attraction up to my abominable beautiful spirit. (Hugs)Indigo
good luck. I never really picked up the habit. And I was behind bars for a long time. It usually comes with the territory.
But when I was in treatment..I smoked a bunch. I needed something. My drinking was gone. I needed something to fill it. and I really enjoyed that post cigarette head rush.
But I ended up stopping..so good luck to you.
Yea, I chain smoke.
It's a problem : )
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