Smoking. Damn you cigarettes. Damn you all to hell.

18 years old standing around the campfire, bud light bottle in one hand cigarette in the other. A teen-age crush of mine and future train wreck ex-girlfriend said "you make that cigarette look good standing by the fire, that should be a smoking commercial." I was a full time smoker from that day forward. Sad and true. I hate to admit that I'm that shallow but I swear to god I was a part time, half assed smoker until that day. I am trying to quit for the umpteenth time and I hate it. Irritable, discontent. I don't want to eat because then I'll want to smoke. I can't sleep because I want to smoke. I can't drink too much coffee because then I will smoke. Every sound in cubicle land is magnified by 1000x. I just want to smoke. I really don't want to gain weight either as I have been trying to get looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. (a tall task) I just can't do it all anymore. I don't want to be subbed out playing soccer. I am tired of getting altitude sickness when I've lived at 6,000 ft. my whole life. All the physical troubles I have from smoking are not worth it to me. (I don't think) As with drinking and drugging though I'm sure I'm not done until I'm done.

Wish me luck! Day 3.